we have pet lesbian snakes
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
