New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
