then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
