I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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