i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
