I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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