She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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