if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
