She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the day after is always just damage control
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
