who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
