mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
