i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
