in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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