I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
