duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
