Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
