I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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