stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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