I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
