My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
