It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
