eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
