I want to make a zoo with you.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
