she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
