His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
well you can't waste a boner
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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