dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
