I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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