apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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