I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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