return my video game
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize