Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize