So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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