We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
