Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
