that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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