You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
