Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
