He is an equal opportunity slut.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
