nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
