Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize