I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
