somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
