9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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