were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I touched a dick in church today
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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