I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
