She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
