He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
