Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
