I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize