Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i already hear my dad disowning me
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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