Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
