seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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