it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
