i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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