She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i would punch a child for taco bell
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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