My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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