I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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