Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
