nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
