He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
