fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
