I think I died a long time ago.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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