And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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