I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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