"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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